In The Shadows
by airman-jack
Summary: Jack becomes increasingly frustrated at his situation with Sam & decides to fix things, with dire consequences for both Sam and the rest of the team. The 4th, and final chapter is available now - feedback much appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

In The Shadows - part one (reformatted)

_Summary: Jack becomes increasingly frustrated at his situation with Sam and decides to fix things, with dire consequences for both Sam and the rest of the team._

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters nor make any profit from my writing.

Part One...

The sun had set nearly an hour ago and Colonel Jack O'Neill was standing first watch over their campsite. The light in Daniels tent showed that he was still awake, pouring over footage of the ruins they had discovered that day - trying to decipher the inscriptions on the crumbling walls in their ever-constant search for an advantage over the Goa'uld.

Teal'c was nowhere to be seen, probably resting by now he thought as he shifted the grip he had on his rifle and turned to make another circuit through the edge of the surrounding trees. Moving almost silently, feet stepping instinctively over or around the forest debris as he stalked through the dark.

Glancing back to the campsite he saw Captain Carter emerge from her tent and scan the tree line, turning in a slow circuit and shielding her eyes from the glowing embers of their fire. He stepped forward and waved, his face and hand showing white against the black backdrop as he left the cover of the forest and allowed the light of the moon to illuminate his skin. Sam smiled as she saw him and made her way over.

"hi there Colonel", she said quietly.

"hi there Carter". he smiled briefly, his eyes still scanning the surrounding area before coming to rest once more upon her luminous features. Her eyes were large in the darkness and she was overwhelmingly lovely to him as always. His heart fluttered before he ruthlessly suppressed it, forcing back the thoughts he knew to be wholly inappropriate, swallowing them down and silencing their demands.

"So watcha doing?", he asked jovially. Make everything a joke, if she couldn't take him seriously then she would never be tempted to blurt out the unthinkable, the unretractable, the career and life destroying words that might otherwise spring from her lips if the moment became too intense.

"I couldn't sleep, mind if I keep you company for a while, its my watch next anyway?", Carter asked softly.

"sure Captain, knock yourself out".

Sam smiled in response and they stood in silence for a while, admiring the beauty of the world by moonlight and listening to the myriad noises produced by the sleeping forest.

Jack wandered casually over to a large, fallen tree and sat unceremoniously on the log, propping his feet against a rock and folding his arms over his gun. Sam followed suit and perched herself a little further up, sitting on her hands and swinging her legs gently, letting her boots tap gently against each other.

Darkness may have made it seem a safe place to rest but the log was balanced precariously on a jutting piece of rock and with the weight of them both suddenly leaning on it the fallen wood shifted and toppled them both over into the undergrowth of the other side. Jack rolled awkwardly because of his gun and as he got to his knees he realised that Sam was already standing, her shoulders shaking in silent laughter at them both - he grinned ruefully back as she reached down an arm to pull him up.

He grasped her forearm tightly and levered himself up quickly, her tug pulled him a little off balance as he got to his feet and he ended up staring right down into her upturned face. They both froze, unable to move, desperately wanting to remain in such close proximity and yet also painfully aware that they should not. Neither one moved. Sam could not tear her eyes from his, cursing herself inside for looking up at him in this way and yet unable to muster strength enough to step back. Jack was equally bound, screaming within his own head to turn away, look away, move away but he could not, would not, did not. A cloud sculled in front of the distended moon and they were plunged into almost complete darkness.

Jack felt Sam's lips upon his and he was unable to say if it had been him or her who had moved closer, closing those final few inches and sealing the kiss. Her lips burned him, his body was on fire and yet encased in ice and immobile - he could neither break the kiss nor deepen it. Their lips remained together, motionless and barely touching, barely even enough to call it a kiss. The cloud cleared the swollen light of the moon and their eyes met, too close to focus but enough to become aware of each others faces, skin taking on an unearthly hue in the lunar glow.

Jack opened his mouth a little and leaned, ever-so-slightly further into the kiss and Sam wrapped her arms about his neck with loving abandon. It seemed to last forever, neither dared breaking the contact for even a moment - their embrace grew stronger even. Jack pulling Sam into him despite his rifle resting between them.

Jack released her, momentarily and brought his hands around her shoulders to hold her face gently. He looked down into her beautiful face and liquid eyes - so full of unadulterated love, unrequited love so close to fulfillment, so full of hope and yet wary; the set of her expression dictated, louder than words, how nervous she was - how forbidden their actions were.

Reality came crashing back in an instant and they sprung apart, looking guiltily about for signs that their illicit encounter had been witnessed. Shock was apparent in both their features and jack's heart pounded so fast, so loudly he could hear the rush of his pulse through his ears. He stepped back again and nearly faltered, his heart - wound to breaking point for so long - finally broke and he thought the sound of it was loud enough that even Sam should hear it.

They faced each other in silence, breathing heavily as they digested their act of weakness, their moment of madness. Sam stammered as she tried to speak. "ssir I ...".

"I'm sorry Carter".

"dont be, please dont be, I..." she faltered once more, unable to find the words.

"what the hell were you thinking! what the hell was I thinking?" his outburst was sudden and angry, almost a shout in the quiet night. She stood stunned before him, pain etched across her face as she struggled to find the right thing to say.

He lifted the rifle over his head, breaking their gaze and refusing to meet her eyes again. "It's your watch", he said dispassionately, thrusting the cold gun towards her. He turned abruptly and stalked towards the camp, never looking back as she stood stock-still and silent beneath the leafy canopy.

She pulled the gun strap over her head and adjusted it to suit her grip. Heartbroken and confused and more lonely than she had ever felt with the rest of the team so close she began a slow circuit of the site. Tears shone in her eyes and she blinked them away, ignoring them as they trickled from her eyes like twin rivulets of mercury, clearing her vision for the task ahead.

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

**In The Shadows - Part Two**

_Summary: After the disastrous handling of their moment of weakness Jack and Sam withdraw completely into their military roles…but how long can this last before everyone starts to notice something is wrong? _

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters nor make any profit from my writing.

Part two…

_Previously…she pulled the gun strap over her head and adjusted it to suit her grip. Heartbroken and confused and more lonely than she had ever felt with the rest of the__ team so close she began a slow circuit of the site. Tears shone in her eyes and she blinked them away, ignoring them as they trickled from her eyes like twin rivulets of mercury, clearing her vision for the task ahead._

Jack stormed back to his tent, uncaring of the noise caused by his careless footsteps, his heart pounding and his thoughts fevered. He took one look at the tent flap and shook his head roughly, throwing himself instead onto the grassy sward, his heavy boots and combat trousers illuminated by the glowing embers of the campfire, his head and torso hidden in darkness and warped by occasional flickering shadows each time the breeze caused a spark to flare up into the blackness.

"Way to go Jack", he murmured to himself in disgust. Lying back into the inky embrace of the short grass he stared blindly up at the sky, seeing nothing but velvet blackness, broken by the stabbing silver light of each distant star. Slowly the vivid points began to enlarge, each star seeming to burst, throwing myriad, argent rays across the Colonel's vision. The starlight expanded until he was blinded to anything else but the criss-crossing pattern above him…the tear fell, slipping along the path of least resistance from the corner of his unblinking eye and into the hairline above his left ear. He shook his head slightly and blinked to dislodge another traitorous tear lingering in his right eye. He lay motionless while his mind worked furiously, unaware of the long minutes passing. The night sky swam back into focus and Jack scrubbed the back of his hands roughly over his face, shutting his eyes against the onslaught and swallowing the lump in his throat.

"What the hell just happened", he thought. Even inside his own head he detected a hint of hysteria in his voice.

"We could handle it - we could. It can't sneak up on you when you know it's there!". He could scarcely believe how inappropriately he had acted but his mind pulsed with doubt and confusion. "What if it had been her, what if she had been the one to kiss me first? Who was it? It was me. Wasn't it?". The Colonel was beside himself, wracking his memories of the moment despite the horrible burning sensation they caused , exposing him to guilt and desire and then more guilt at the desire…round and round again in a unending torment as he tried to probe to the truth of it.

If it had been him then she could make a complaint against his behaviour. If it had been her then he could do the same. Neither of them were going to do that, their bond was too close to ever betray one another in that way, their feelings were mutual, they both knew it, but they had both agreed without ever speaking a word, that they would keep their attraction under control. It was secondary to their very existence in the Stargate project and had to be buried if they were to carry on their lives and the job they loved.

Whoever it had been, they had weakened to the point of losing their self-control and that meant that one of them had to ensure that it would never happen again. He thought they were managing, stealing their love in ways that no-one else had to. A glance, a wink, a smile, a hug…so many ways in which they had survived. Feeding their need with camaraderie and restraint; innocent seeming touches to anyone else that enabled them to revel in the forbidden heat that each such moment caused. Secret smiles, gazing into each others eyes and taking the love that was there, accepting it, refusing to go further.

That was what their lives had been about, they saved the world, they got to travel the universe and they kept their secret, _together_. That one person should have broken their unspoken code was travesty, a betrayal of trust.

Jack opened his eyes again and sat up with his arms crooked around his knees. He drew a deep breath, in and out, his whole body appeared to strengthen as his mind spoke its resolution. "If it was me, then I'll make sure I am never in a position to repeat myself, and if it was her…I'll make sure she never gets the chance to do it again", the words resounded loudly and clearly in his mind and the grim mantle of duty settled heavily about his shoulders.

Decided at last he laid back once more, the ground seemed to swallow him up as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to slip eventually into a fitful sleep.

Carter crouched down to the ground, resting after a series of fruitless circuits of the camp. She realised how stupid she was being, if there really was anyone out there they would be far more likely to see her if she kept pacing about like that. She was back in the spot where, an hour before, she had joined with her superior officer in a passionate kiss, the thought made her burn with shame and excitement in equal measures.

She could hardly believe that he had given in so unexpectedly and broken their unspoken pact. She was both thrilled to the point of shock and angered that he had taken it upon himself to change their situation. "And he blamed me too?", she shook her head incredulously at the memory even as a lump began to swell in her throat once more.

"Stop that Carter, get a grip", she commanded herself quietly, pinching the bridge of her nose and surreptitiously wiping any trace of her earlier tears away.

She scanned the area and the surrounding tree line once more, moving quietly beneath the rustling canopy and sitting down in the lee of a large rock to observe the camp below. A slight movement caught her eye and she turned her head instinctively, allowing her peripheral vision, sharper in the dark, to catch it, as she had been taught. It was a movement by the campfire, someone sitting just outside the circle of the dying light. Her heart caught in her mouth as she recognised the profile of the figure as that of Colonel Jack O'Neill. She wondered for a moment if he had spotted her but she knew that even the dim embers would have caused damage to his night vision. She was invisible to him and couldn't help but stare as she watched him looking up at the night sky; legs sprawled out towards the fire, arms thrown out from his body and his ever-present baseball cap held loosely in one, outstretched hand.

Sam drew her binoculars out of a pouch and raised them up to her eyes, the black rubber felt cold and her eyes felt tight where tears had dried on the delicate skin. The Colonel came into view but, apart from his black boots and olive combats the rest of his body was in shadow. With her sights set on him she waited, willing her eyes to see through the night shadows for a glimpse as his face, a hint of his expression to tell her how he might be feeling, how he was reacting to the connotations of the kiss they had shared.

Suddenly he shook his head, tilting it slightly to the side, the familiar planes of his face emerging into the gentle moonlight. The sultry glow of the embers could not touch him from where he lay and so he appeared monochrome - white face, hair darkened by the shadows of the grass, pale lips, black eyes and…her heart pounded within her…a tear track, glistening in the light and only visible because of the high magnification of the binoculars.

She watched him, weeping under the stars, silent and still. No movement, no sobbing, just the silent dignity of grief flowing uncontrolled over his defined cheekbones and disappearing where the pale skin met his hairline. Unashamed, she let her own tears fall once more, distraught at his pain. She would not intrude upon this moment and shame him for crying, he was a private person where feelings were concerned and there's no way he'd appreciate being caught out like this.

"We have to talk", she thought to herself. "Soon".

He lay there for a long time, she wondered if he even knew how long he had been lost in silent reverie before he came back to himself, scrubbed his hand across his eyes and sat up. Even from this distance she could sense that he had gained a new control over himself. If she hadn't witnessed it, she would have sworn that he hadn't just been crying. He looked about, his expression grim, before settling back onto the grass and closing his eyes.

Sam woke to the smell of coffee. "Nice one Daniel", she thought to herself. She rolled swiftly out of bed and pulled on her boots, bending over the side of the camp-bed to pull the laces tight. The memories of last night came crashing back to her in an instant, jolting her insides so hard that she nearly fell. She couldn't let on to anyone that anything was amiss - she was sure Jack would do the same, she hoped he would, he was that upset she feared for a moment he might crack completely and blurt something out in front of the others, uncaring of the consequences.

Carter combed her fingers through her blonde locks and pushed her way out of the tent, she straightened up resolutely and smiled as Daniel held out a steaming mug for her. "Morning Teal'c", She crowed as the Jaffa warrior inclined his head politely towards her. "Morning Daniel, thanks!", she raised the mug appreciatively in his direction before taking a sip of the welcoming bitter taste of the coffee.

"Morning Campers"", O'Neill's grinning face appeared amongst them, dark glasses a barrier to Carter's searching glance.

"Morning Jack", said Daniel, already half-distracted by his notes from the previous day.

"It is indeed morning 'O'Neill", Teal'c raised an questioning eyebrow before applying himself once more to a bowl of cereal.

"Sir", Sam's voice was steady although it had felt as if she was pushing the word out against its will. She flashed a quick smile, too fast, she hoped for anyone to detect its falseness.

Jack smirked back just as swiftly and carried on, barely even glancing in her direction. "I just radioed back to Hammond, we're cleared for another day of discovery and delight in the great outdoors". "Be ready to move out in 20 minutes OK kids?", his tone of voice was adorably teasing and irreverent as always, sometimes it was easy to forget that behind that adolescent seeming sarcasm lurked a highly trained professional, deadly, experienced and controlled. Sam realised that he would never blurt out anything in front of the rest of the team, it was only when they were alone that he had ever allowed his iron will to dissolve. How many years had she been weakening that barrier, slowly eating into him, absorbing his essence like some kind of crazed chemical?

Jack plonked himself unceremoniously onto un upturned log that he'd dragged there when they first set up camp, he stared resolutely into the blackened remains of the previous nights fire despite all of Carter's attempts at catching his eye so Sam sighed quietly to herself and made her way back into the tent to collect her gear for the day.

Twenty minutes came and went in the blink of an eye with Jack waiting impatiently at the edge of the camp for Daniel to quickly grab the rest of his stuff. "Aaaany time today Danny", he said with mild annoyance.

"Teal'c? You and Daniel take point, me and Carter will be on your Six". Sam look askance at the Colonel - this was what she had been waiting for - a moment alone to sort out the tumultuous events of last night.

Teal'c and Daniel nodded their ascent and made off along the faint trail, Jack didn't look to see if Sam was following as he made off behind them, walking slower and slower, letting himself fall behind enough to give them the privacy he needed.

He turned suddenly and stopped as the two in front turned out of view, he slid his sunglasses from the bridge of his nose and released them to hang around his neck. Sam looked into his eyes for the first time since their kiss, schooling her face to remain expressionless before him.

"Carter. I think you know why I sent the rest ahead.", She nodded as he spoke, uncertain of what was coming next.

"I'm sorry for last night, it should never have happened", he spoke coldly, devoid of any emotion that she could detect.

"I'm sorry too Sir", she replied quietly.

"Good", Jack paused, collecting his thoughts.

"I have a job to do, so do you, and if we can't be trusted to get on and do it then we shouldn't be on this team together. I'm not going to let SG1 suffer because of us…", he looked at her with sincerity shining in his eyes.

"I'm not going to let you throw away your career for…for anything OK?, He stopped what he had been about to say, she could tell he was going to say 'for me'.

"I've seen a lot of crazy stuff Carter, so have you. You know as well as I do what happens when two people get thrown together into life and death situations. Bonds form, sometimes they get mistaken for something more, do I make myself clear?", his tone hardened and his eyes turned to agate.

"Crystal Sir", she replied formally, secretly shocked that he was taking this tone with her. They had been through so much together - they had an understanding. They had overstepped the mark sure enough but surely they could forgive each other this one transgression and carry on like before? What they had was too valuable to cast aside like this - and what they had was far more than some weird psychological quirk, developed through co-dependence in life-threatening scenarios, she thought to herself angrily.

"Sweet. Now lets get on with our job shall we Captain?". Without waiting for a response he turned on his heel and strode of purposefully towards the site.

Sam watched his back in silence for a second before she hurried to catch up. They walked in silence; not the companionable silence they had always shared before, an awkward silence where neither wanted to speak and yet both feared the other was about to.

The day passed uneventfully, the ruins were nothing more than a long-abandoned settlement, similar in construction to British iron-age forts. Daniel had found plenty to interest him but nothing of any value to their ongoing battle with the Goa'uld and their standing orders.

Stepping back through the Stargate on schedule, the team had been greeted as usual by General Hammond, they reported to the infirmary as ordered and sat through the routine examination by Dr Frasier and her team.

"Captain Carter?" enquired Janet as Sam hopped off the bed to leave.

"Could I talk to you for a moment please?, Carter nodded her ascent as the rest of the team walked out through the door, led by Colonel O'Neill. Daniel turned back momentarily and looked questioningly at her. Sam shrugged helplessly and smiled. "Go on Daniel, I'll see you later". Daniel Jackson smiled in agreement and left the two of them alone.

"You seem a little quiet Sam, anything I should know about?".

"No. No, I'm just fine. A little tired I think is all", Carter grimaced inwardly, berating herself for moping about so noticeably.

"You've been under a lot of pressure recently…you all have", the Doctor continued.

"It's OK to feel a little stressed-out now and again but if it's a problem then I can recommend you have a little down time to recoup?", Janet looked searchingly at her friend as if she could read her mind by staring hard enough.

"Janet I'm fine", Carter smile reassuringly, doing her best to put the Doctor at ease.

"Well, be that as it may I'm not happy. Teal'c is always quiet, Daniel is always absorbed with something or another but you and Colonel O'Neill appear strangely quiet to me. I'm going to recommend you have the weekend to yourself - you haven't got any off world trips scheduled anyway so you'd only be hanging 'round the base."

"Dr Frasier that is really unnecessary. I'm Fine…Colonel O'Neill is fine. We're all fine". Sam faded off into silence in the face of the Doctors unrelenting gaze.

"OK. OK! We'll take a break!" Sam laughed at her old friend and hopped back off the bed. "Whatever you say Janet". Dr Frasier smile happily as she watched Sam leave.

Jack lay disconsolately on his bunk, it was still early and they had the weekend off but he couldn't find the motivation to go home. He stared up at the ceiling and thought about his Captain. The hurt in her eyes when he had spoken to her this morning had been almost beyond endurance but it had to be done. He re-wrote the conversation in his head, over and over again, trying to think of a way he could have done it better.

"What's done is done Jack", he said to himself. He'd done the right thing, he knew he had. He couldn't let feelings get in the way of the job. The fate of the world was at stake and all he could think about was that he had hurt her, but she was getting too close - familiarity breeds contempt was the old saying and it was true, he thought, as he replayed the last few years in his mind.

"If we can't control it together then I'll have to control it for the both of us", with that thought he rose decisively and pulled on his leather jacket. "Beer is what I need right now", he chuckled mirthlessly to himself as he opened the door and strode towards the lift to freedom.

Carter sat alone in the bar, she always came here when she had thinking to do, it was near enough to get a taxi home and not too far from the base either. She swigged the final dregs from her bottle and made her way back to the bar to order another. Returning to her seat she glanced disinterestedly around the half-empty pub, stopping in surprise as her eyes lit upon the hunched form of Colonel O'Neill. He was wearing his blue Levis and a blue check shirt, unbuttoned over a white tee-shirt, he hadn't seen her yet and she considered slipping out quietly into the night until he looked up and met her gaze in disbelief.

She grimaced to herself and smiled over at him as cheerfully as she could manage. She couldn't just walk out now so she made her way over to his table and sat down.

"Hi Sir", she said quietly. "I just popped in for a beer, take it you had the same idea?".

Jack looked across at her coldly, freezing her to the spot. "Same idea?", he growled. "Did you follow me here?"

Sam looked shocked at his tone, shocked and hurt, shocked and confused and then her eyes hardened against him.

"I've been here ages, I just noticed you", she replied defensively. "What is with you?"…"Sir", she added belatedly as his look grew harder still.

"You just don't get it do you Carter?" he raised the bottle to his lips and took a long pull at it before he continued.

"I came here to get away from you and here you are, don't you spend enough time following me around that you have to do it in your spare time too?" he stalled immediately, realising that he had gone too far and knowing that there was no way for him to take it back now it had been said.

Sam found her voice again as she stood, slamming her bottle down on the table. "Sorry Sir. I guess I do get sick of you. See you Monday".

She stormed out, head held high and shoulders back letting the door slam closed behind her as she made her way over to the roadside and dialled a cab from her cell-phone. It arrived within minutes and she hardly noticed the drive home, her mind raging at the way he had spoken to her and her heart breaking at the thought of losing the friendship they shared.

Was it worth it? She thought. For one kiss? No, came the stony reply.

Jack watched her leave, desperately urging his stupid body to move, to follow her, to make it right. He berated himself without mercy for losing his temper like that. He was so shocked to see her there, he'd been immersed in thoughts of happier times when they had enjoyed a game of pool together in this very same bar - found himself wishing she was there with him - and there she was, sitting down at his table in answer to his silent prayers.

His mind was clouded with even more doubt as he began to contemplate to possibility that it wasn't her whose feelings were out of control…it was him. _He_ had kissed _her_, and knowing the way they both felt he could hardly blame her for kissing him back. He had told her to get herself under control and yet he was the one losing it when he met her out in public. He wanted to go to her house, to ring her bell and beg forgiveness for his stupidity. He took his cell-phone out of his top pocket and scrolled through the directory to her home number, selected it and then cancelled the selection, slipping the phone, unused, back into his shirt pocket dejectedly.

"Familiarity breeds contempt", he murmured. "And absence makes the heart grow fonder".

Weeks passed with neither of them broaching the subject of their disastrous encounter. Briefings and missions came and went and the splinter that had gouged into their friendship began to fester, the infection spreading gradually until even Daniel and Teal'c began to work in silence around the other two, sensing the unease but unable to determine its cause or solution.

Jack's running commentary turned from witty sarcasm into acerbic cruelty and Sam turned away from all companionship, retreating into the safety and security of the lab after every mission and appearing at the last minute into the gate room before each new off-world assignment.

Daniel's subtle attempts at getting either one of them to talk were met with cold and deliberate ignorance on the part of O'Neill and unconvincing reassurance on Sam's part that everything was "Just fine".

Breakfast had become such a stony affair that each member now orchestrated their appearance to eat alone and occasional communal lunches were stark and almost silent. Sam took her evening meal into the lab and Jack retreated with his into his office, eating alone and staring sullenly at the dwindling stack of paperwork.

General Hammond met Jack's new found diligence in respect of his paperwork with initial surprise and pleasure until even he began to note the growing hostility within the team dynamics. He took his concerns to Dr Frasier, knocking politely on her open door and awaiting her call before entering into the sick bay.

"Janet", he began, smiling at his old friend.

"Please Sir, sit down". She gestured at an empty chair before taking another for herself.

"What's up General?", she enquired gently.

"Dr Frasier, we have problem with SG1."

"So you've noticed too Sir", she smiled indulgently before turning back to business.

"I've seen them go through rough patches before but this doesn't appear to be coming from any external pressures on the team", continued Hammond thoughtfully.

"I agree Sir".

"Have any of them approached you with any problems? Is there something going on I should know about here?"

"Sir, to my knowledge they are all in the perfect health and I've heard nothing to contradict that assumption".

"Janet, without making any unnecessary assumptions on anyone here I'll suggest that it appears to be Colonel O'Neill and Captain Carter at the route of this unease. Would you agree?".

"Yes, Sir I would, but I can't fathom out what the cause is and if you're looking for answer's I just don't have them I'm afraid."

"Janet, I'm a man of the world, I'm well aware that there may be some problem…something going on that they might confide in you about rather than coming to me. I'm asking you to go and find out what it is, I simply cannot allow this to continue and I'm loathe to _order_ either one of them to tell me, I just feel that would be the wrong way to go about things in this instance. Am I making myself clear?", he smiled to take the edge off of the implied command and leaned forward toward the doctor.

"I need SG1 fully functional or I'm going to have to reconsider their place at the forefront of the action".

"I understand your concerns General, I share them. Leave it with me and I'll see what I can do", she reassured him.

"Thank you Janet, do what you can and report to me if you have any news". The General rose quickly with his final words and smiled again before retiring once more to his office to work through his never-ending in-tray, confident in the knowledge that the Doctor would be able to discover the cause of the problem in his top team before he had to intervene personally.

Jack sat in his car staring at the letter in front of him without seeing it, he didn't need to read it again, the words were graven in his mind, he had written it and re-written it numerous times over the past few days and now he considered once more over whether or not today would be the day. It was his letter of resignation from the Air Force. He shook his head in disbelief that things had gone this far but the rift had grown wider and wider and he was well aware of how badly this was affecting the team. He couldn't let the team suffer…he thought again, he couldn't let _Sam_ suffer in this way and apologising, even if it worked, would only serve to somehow lend approval to their feelings which would lead them back, eventually, to this same situation…_or worse_, he thought unhappily to himself.

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

**In The Shadows - Part Three**

_Summary: the situation within the team has reached breaking point. General Hammond is anxious and Dr Frasier has been ordered to find out what's going on. Jack is considering his resignation from the Force as a possible solution and Sam is desperately unhappy. A strange message appears through the Stargate and, whilst nobody else is any the wiser as to it's meaning, Sam and Jack both realise that they want to repair their broken relationship...but Colonel O'Neill has drastic action in mind to ensure that they will never be apart again..._

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters nor make any profit from my writing.

Part three…

_Previously…Jack sat in his car staring at the letter in front of him without seeing it, he didn't__'__t need to read it again, the words were graven in his mind, he had written it and re-written it numerous times over the past few days and now he considered once more over whether or not today would be the day. It was his letter of resignation from the Air Force. He shook his head in disbelief that things had gone this far but the rift had grown wider and wider and he was well aware of how badly this was affecting the team. He couldn't let the team suffer__…__he thought again, he couldn't let Sam suffer in this way and apologising, even if it worked, would only serve to somehow lend approval to their feelings which would lead them back, eventually, to this same situation__…__or worse, he thought unhappily to himself._

Jack re-folder the pristine paper and slid the document into his inside pocket as he slid out of the drivers seat and slammed the door behind him. The hours without her had seemed bad, he was wracked with guilt and shame; the days had been unbearable as his stupid brain allowed his stupid mouth to say stupid things which hurt her even more. The weeks had descended into utter agony as the situation had spiralled out of control. He had been cruel, cold and businesslike, completely unlike his usual self and she had responded in kind.

Briefings had become a battleground for the two of them, where she refused to humour his desire for simplicity, allowing her explanations to become ever more complex and intellectual and he had resolutely pleaded complete ignorance to everything she tried to say.

Work had become a place of dread and he no longer took the pleasure he once did in going off-world on their missions of discovery. He had realised, too late, that sharing a love unrequited was far more sweet that denying its existence completely and that denial, had caused the very rift he had been afraid of in the first place.

Carter pulled up slowly into the parking lot, unwilling to turn her engine off and make her way into the SGC, dreading another day of torment as she faced her commanding officer once more. Frat regs were there for a reason, she thought grimly, to stop something like this happening and yet they had blithely carried on down their path of self-destruction, joyously courting the very situation that would lead to their downfall. Even her dreams were no longer sanctuary; where once she had enjoyed laying herself down to rest, allowing her mind to conjure up scenarios with Jack to send her off into a peaceful and pleasurable sleep, imagining his touch, his kiss, his lips upon her skin, now she fell into the same dreams and then woke with the agony of knowing that they were forever unobtainable and that the man she imagined in her wildest fantasies had changed beyond recognition into the object of her despair.

She had even considered resignation, but re-assignment or resignation would do nothing to help her and would take her prematurely from the place she had learned to call home, destroying her career and removing her from the wonders and undiscovered secrets of a continued life at the SGC. Sighing, she unbuckled her seatbelt, switched off her engine and locked her car.

For the first time in a long while, had it been weeks? Months? Both the Colonel and the Captain found themselves arriving at the lift together. They didn't even try to hide their unease anymore as they stood in silence waiting for the doors to open.

Jack noticed her walking in on his heel and his mood darkened once more, he remembered all those times when he had hung about, secretly waiting those extra few moments to press the button, knowing that she would be there and engineering the chance to share the lift together - idly chatting about inconsequential things and taking pleasure in the shared moments together. He cursed himself, once again, for destroying their friendship and reached up inside his coat to finger the sharp creases of the letter concealed within.

The lift arrived, door opening smoothly and they stepped inside, standing on opposite sides without speaking. When they reached their destination they turned in separate directions and walked off, visibly relaxing as they parted company from the terrible awkwardness once more.

There was a knock on the door and jack sat up straight, calling out for the visitor to enter. He looked up in surprise as Janet walked in and flashed her a dazzling, self-deprecating grin.

"What's up Doc?", he said cheekily. "Take a seat", he gestured to the chair opposite as she closed the door behind her.

"Please don't tell me I'm due for another prostate exam already?", he gestured at the closed door to emphasise his point.

"No", Janet smiled warmly in spite of herself at his roguish irreverence.

"Actually, it's a personal matter Jack", she seated herself comfortably, fussing with the tails of her white jacket as she spoke.

"Well you can't get more personal than a prostate exam Doc!", he grinned broadly, pouring a coffee from his jug as he spoke and placing it before her.

"I'm here to find out what's going on with SG1", she said, descending into seriousness.

Jack smiled and looked up disarmingly at her, he shrugged his ignorance, "I have absolutely no idea what you mean Doctor", he lied, his false smile crystallising as he realised that the moment had finally arrived.

"Jack". "You can talk to me or you can talk to general Hammond, it's your choice". I hate to do this to you but I _will _find out what's going on, one way or another…I'm under orders", she finished quietly.

Jack rubbed a palm over his eyes and down his face, reaching 'round to the back of his neck as if stretching out a kink from sitting too long in one position. Janet took the opportunity from his moment of distraction to asses his features, far more critically than she had in along while. The Colonel had lost weight and his eyes were rimmed with black circles despite the fact that they had had a relatively easy workload recently as the General assigned missions to other teams in the hopes that SG1 would snap out of whatever mood they were in with a little R & R.

She cursed herself inwardly for not seeing it before, for not noticing the obvious signs of stress on such an important member of the SGC.

The only thing she could think of to ease her guilt was that it had been such a gradual decline, with no complaints from him on the way down that seeing him in this state had become the norm, but still she berated herself for not picking it up before, the Doctor in her worrying what was wrong, her military training wanting to follow up on her explicit orders and the friend in her wanting him to open up and tell her the cause of his obvious distress and discomfort.

Jack looked across the table at his old friend, considering whether or not to tell her the truth or whether to go straight to General Hammond and hand in the letter he had, so painstakingly agonised over, wishing he could run headlong to Carter's lab and kiss her again, the way he had kissed her on that fateful night so many months ago.

He lost himself for a moment in reverie, thinking of how he would beg on bended knee, on hands and knees - if necessary - for forgiveness for everything he had said and done since that morning. How he would hold her close again in a fierce embrace, the way they had done so many times before and make everything right again…

"Colonel?", the Doctor bought him back to the present and he glanced once, in spite of himself, toward the direction of carter's lab before bringing his focus back to her.

A familiar siren rang out suddenly, lights flashed under the door from the corridor outside and all conversation was abandoned where it lay as a the loud message permeated the compound. "Unscheduled, off-world activation".

Janet and Jack stood up simultaneously at the intrusion and made there way quickly towards the control room. "Later Janet", Jack called over his shoulder as he began to jog steadily ahead of her.

"People, we have a situation here", Hammond began, addressing SG1 in the briefing room.

"As you no doubt heard, there was an unscheduled off-world activation a short while ago from a person or persons, using an SG19 activation code. As SG19 are currently off-world we immediately opened the iris and this came through". General Hammond lifted a single, crumpled piece of paper from the table in front of him.

"radio contact with SG19 has confirmed that it was not sent by any of them and they are not in any trouble whatsoever. Frankly people, I am flummoxed". The General handed the note over to Colonel O'Neill.

"Does this mean anything to you Captain Carter?"

Sam took the proffered article and scrutinised it briefly. "No Sir." she said immediately, glancing up at him before reading it aloud to the rest of the team.

"In the shadows, underneath the trees…" she began, and then she faltered with the sudden realisation, her mouth dried up and she looked up guiltily at Colonel O'Neill.

"Does it say nothing more Captain Carter?" Teal'c intoned in his usual, quiet rumble.

Sam cleared her throat and looked back at the note, waiting for realisation to strike for the rest of them as she helplessly condemned herself and Colonel O'Neill.

"In the shadows, underneath the trees…I am more sorry than I can ever say.

I cannot change what I have done. Please forgive me, I didn't mean it". Carter finished speaking, her voice felt hoarse despite the few syllables that she had been required to speak and she reached out in front of her for a glass of water.

Colonel O'Neill got there first and poured a measure of the clear liquid into a tumbler, handing it to her silently his eyes looking into hers searchingly, deeply and without hurt for the first time she could remember since the awful events of that mission so long ago.

Her fingers brushed against his as she accepted the glass from him and the touch sent involuntary shivers down her spine. She sat down once more and took a gulp of the cool water before daring to look back at the General again.

"Well Carter? Does that mean anything to you?", he enquired impatiently.

"Nothing at all Sir," she lied. "It's a bit spooky to tell you the truth Sir", she claimed suddenly, trying to find a way to explain her reaction, praying that he would accept the untruth and move on.

"And the rest of you?" he studied each member of the team in turn, receiving the same negative and puzzled responses from everyone.

"OK. I'm going to recall SG19 right now and see what they have to say about it - I don't recognise the handwriting and it appears that none of you do either so there nothing else I can do for now. Stand down SG1, but I want you ready to move at a moments notice, something about this smells bad and I want you ready to act when I find out just what it is.", the General stood and nodded at them all in dismissal as they trooped in file from the room. He picked up a telephone and mad an internal call to the control centre.

"I want SG19 recalled this instant", he said with authority, replacing the receiver in its cradle before making his way to the gate room to receive them.

Jack nearly stumbled as he walked down the stairs, he couldn't begin to imagine how she'd managed it but somehow she'd worked out a way to get this note through the stargate - to apologise to him, when it was him that was at fault - the sweet agony of it nearly stole his breath away. He knew she was smart, but this was amazing, to go to all that trouble, all that risk of exposure, just to make peace between them!

Jack's heart melted and the feelings he'd had earlier - of belting into her lab and throwing himself on her mercy - returned hundred-fold, the guilt was even worse than before as he realised that she was blaming herself but knowing that she wanted a reconciliation made the pain bearable, bought hope to a heart that had long since given up. He watched Daniel and Teal'c walking towards the mess and felt Carter behind him turning away towards her room. He spun and followed her, unsure of what to say but determined not to waste this chance he had been given.

Carter walked blindly toward her room, she couldn't imagine who in SG19 he had convinced to help him pull this stunt off. She only hoped that he hadn't told anyone what the note meant, or that no-one else had managed to work it out. It was cryptic enough, she told herself, but questions would be asked and how long before the answers were discovered?

Still, she was touched deeply, despite the danger of discovery. He had really gone to some extreme lengths in order to let her know that he was sorry. He could simply have said it to me, she thought, but she acknowledged that secretly she was crowing inside that he had forgone the obvious and mundane in order to do something risky and spectacular, to prove that he meant what he said and that he meant it with such fervour that he would risk everything to tell her in such a way that she was unable to ignore.

She smiled inwardly as a warm feeling stole over her body and eased away some of the tightness in her shoulders.

Jack watched her disappear into her room, he paused for a moment on the corner before marching up boldly and rapping hard on it without hesitation.

"Come in", she called.

Jack opened the door and popped his head around the edge, looking for approval from the captain before he came in. Sam nodded in ascent and the Colonel took a chair facing her, door left open, not near enough to arouse suspicion and yet close enough to talk quietly together so that no-one passing would hear their words.

Jack's eyes sought her out hungrily, drinking her in after the months apart. Sam's own eyes roved ceaselessly over the Colonel, noting for the first time the weight-loss and dark circles that mirrored her own. It was a balm to simply sit in each others presence, the silence between them an easy one once more. The urge to snipe and wound each other drained slowly away and the trust that had been eroded by their own hands began to rise once more.

"Carter, I was wrong, I'm sorry". "You know I'm no good at things like this. Please"…his voice faltered and dropped to a whisper. "I miss you, I need you", his iron hard will finally dissolved and his voice broke, cracking around the admission as his eyes welled with unshed tears. He could no longer meet her gaze and sat with one hand cupped lightly over his eyes, his elbow supported on his knee, hiding the shaming grief that unmanned him before her as he awaited her response.

Sam leaned forward, uncaring of anyone that might glance in and spot them she placed her hand along the side of his face. He looked up immediately, shocked by her touch, eyes welling again as she brushed the dampness from his cheek with her thumb, stroking him, soothing him. They stood together, no more than a space apart and he opened his arms wide in a gesture he had so often used before in happier days. It felt like coming home as she stepped under his reach and placed her own arms around his body, pressing her cheek into his chest, moulding herself to him fiercely. In return, his strong arms wrapped her completely, the force of his embrace was equally fierce but calculated carefully, coming back to him so easily after all this time so as not to crush her too hard against him. He buried his head into her neck and inhaled the scent of her hair, she was intoxicating, he wanted her near him always, he was asphyxiated by the realisation that he needed her so much - he needed her more than anything else, he promised himself that he would never let them grow apart in this way again.

They released each other eventually, stepping away from the embrace but still resting their hands upon each other, needing to re-affirm their bond with shared contact. Jack felt his mind whirring crazily, he saw what he was going to do, he knew it was wrong in some way, yet he could not prevent himself from doing it. He'd heard about this, military types, too highly trained, under too much pressure, maybe suffering the effects of one tough mission too many - doing things - unable to stop themselves, watching from the recesses of their mind as something else took control of their actions.

"Sam?" his voice was calm and quiet.

"Sam I will never let us be apart again. Its not going to happen. Understand?", the louder his subconscious screamed its defiance the quieter his spoken voice became until the final word was uttered in a deep, rich, whisper.

Sam looked puzzled, wondering what he was going to say next. She smiled up at him, encouraging him to continue, knowing how hard it was for him to talk like this, so honestly about his most private feelings.

The Colonel turned her around gently by her shoulders, he placed one long arm about her waist and leaned his forehead onto her shoulder. He reached into his jacket, caressing her abdomen all the while, nuzzling at her pale neck. She leaned into his body, enjoying the contact and closeness, closing her eyes and waiting - knowing he was trying to summon up the courage to finish what he had started.

Jack's questing hand touched cold metal and he eased the small pistol from his underarm holster, he pulled it delicately from the confines of his clothing and wrapped his fingers into position around the loaded weapon.

"This is the way it has to be Sam. For us, I'm doing it for us". He kissed her shoulder, pressing his lips to the warm material of her shirt.

General Hammond stood in shocked silence before the two, lifeless bodies in the infirmary. He'd lost troops before but never like this. Since the Stargate program had started there had never been a murder perpetrated by one of his own troops against one of his comrades. At least, he thought grimly to himself, never by someone in control of their own mind and actions. Goa'uld hosts and plots had killed many members of his teams but murder, plain murder, without any alien cause and suicide on top of that as-well…he shook his head once more, shock and grief written plainly upon his features.

Janet stood by his side "I'm sorry Sir. I had no idea. Even the rest of the team weren't aware there was any problem between these two". She look up at the General apologetically. " I do my best to keep an eye on them all Sir", she began quietly.

Hammond shook himself from his reverie and looked down at Dr Frasier. "I know you do Doctor, and a damn fine job of it you do too. Nobody could have seen this coming, none of us."

Janet nodded, thankful at his words and took one last lingering look at the people she would forever feel that she had failed, then she turned and went back to her duties, there were people waiting to be seen and she sensed that General Hammond wanted some time alone to say his Goodbyes.

His spoke softly, a lump pushing painfully at his throat and a futile anger burning uselessly within him.

"Why Jonathan?"

"You could have come to me"

He looked on in silence once more and then slowly walked forward to lift the pristine white sheets and cover their faces back over.

To be continued…


	4. Chapter 4

**In The Shadows - Part Four**

_Summary: Sam and Jack finally ceased their endless personal war after a mysterious note was sent through the Stargate using SG19's recognition code. Sharing their first embrace in months, Colonel Jack O'Neill and Captain Samantha Carter began to heal the cracks in their friendship but Jack was determined that nothing should keep them apart, ever again._

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters nor make any profit from my writing.

Part Four…

_Previously…His spoke softly, a lump pushing painfully at his throat and a futile anger burning uselessly within him. _

"_Why Jonathan?__"_

"_You could have come to me__"_

He looked on in silence once more and then slowly walked forward to lift the pristine white sheets and cover their faces back over.

The two surviving members of SG19 sat listlessly in the briefing room, visibly shocked at the events they had witnessed. General Hammond glanced over the report once more, sadness and anger in equal measures filling up from the inside and threatening to burst forth.

"Report back to the infirmary Airmen. I'm standing this team down until I can find some replacements and I want you to get some rest. I've spoken to the families but, for now, I'd like the two of you to stay right here on base where Dr Frasier can keep an eye on you, is that clear?", the General dictated firmly.

"Yes Sir"

"Sir", the replies came simultaneously.

"Dismissed Airmen, try to take it easy OK".

The General continued to stare at the file laying pen in front of him. It was a tragic circumstance but it wasn't the first time in military history that a soldier had caught his best friend sleeping with his wife and decided to take drastic action. Sometimes it was a "friendly fire" incident - Hammond hated that term, "friendly fire", as if there was something jolly about getting shot to pieces by your own side, and sometimes it went down like this, a confrontation, a shot in anger and then a second shot to escape from all the pain and hurt inside.

The note sat next to the report, the handwriting matched that of Captain Jonathon Reardon - an admission of guilt, murder and his own subsequent suicide. Even the other members of his team hadn't realised what was going on - radio contact with the SGC had occurred as normal and they had reported everything as fine, not realising that they were about to be sent away while the Captain confronted Sergeant William Baker over his affair. By the time they realised they had lost radio contact and hurried back to the Stargate, the note had already been sent through and all that remained were the lifeless bodies of their comrades, slumped in front of the DHD, their blood soaking the ground around and beneath them and their eyes staring, sightlessly where they fell.

General Hammond replaced the note into the case file and closed it up. His concern now was for the living and he still had a base to run.

Jack reached in front of them both with his free arm, still holding her to him tightly with the other, he placed the pistol onto the table with a loud click and reached back into his jacket once more. This time his fingers found the sharp creases of his letter and he drew it out with a small crackle, passing it over her shoulder and into her hands. She took it with a puzzled glance over her shoulder and slowly opened it out, releasing the caged words as Jack wrapped his other arm around her waist and buried his head into her shoulder.

"Sir…Jack…you can't do this", she turned, gently tugging at his arms to allow her to move and gripping his dear face in between her slim palms. "We'll be just as far apart if you leave, don't you see?", she appealed to him, lost within the depths of his sultry brown eyes, desperate to convince him of his foolishness.

"I'd rather have things the way they were, I'd rather be friends and colleagues, knowing that there was more on offer deep down, even if I couldn't have it yet".

"Go back to the way we were? You'd do that? And you wont be mad at me forever?", Jack seemed to be getting a little of his old spirit back - it was almost palpable - they both seemed to be bubbling over with happiness, having denied themselves any camaraderie and joy for so long it seemed to be coming out all at once as they finally allowed the barriers of suspicion and distrust to crumble completely.

"Captain I have something really important on my mind right now", his face was deadpan, a complete giveaway to her experienced eye.

"Sir?", there was a twinkle in her eye as was responded.

"Captain, I'm really, really hungry - can we go get some breakfast? Pleeease?".

Carter flashed him a dazzling grin that stole his heart away completely. "Sure Sir, I'm kinda hungry too".

They walked into the corridor and proceeded towards the mess jauntily, walking close enough that their arms occasionally brushed together, but not close enough to be considered inappropriate. Heads together, smiling and occasionally laughing they joined the mess queue just in front of a bewildered General Hammond.

"So Carter? Uh does this mean you're going to stop with the long words at briefings?, the Colonel enquired playfully.

"Is that an order Sir?"

"Yeah, yeah I think I'm gonna have to make this official - no words longer than three syllables before midday OK? And nothing that requires me to bring a dictionary with me at any other time" he added in mock seriousness. He held his head high and his shoulders back, facing straight ahead but looking down at her from the corners of twinkling eyes with a barely suppressed smile on his face, every gorgeous inch of him the confused Colonel caricature of himself that he knew she adored.

Sam grinned broadly, a cunning look on her face as she confronted the Colonel in mock confusion.

"Sir? Did you just say dictionary?" She enquired politely. "You know it's only 10am don't you Sir?"

She allowed the grin to suffuse her face once more and stepped neatly in front of him in line whilst he stood pondering for a second, a cute frown appearing as he rolled his eyes. Jack put one hand out in from of him and muttered under his breath, counting with his fingers as he did so.

"Dic-shun-air-ree", he had four fingers up when he had finished.

"Damnit Carter", he cried in mock frustration as he moved along in line - as if noticing for the first time that she had slipped into his place and was now heading towards a table in the corner - her tray already loaded up in her hands.

This was how they lived, how they had survived for so long together. They did not need a physical relationship to make them lovers - that could wait, as long as they had each other.

General Hammond listened to the whole exchange in quiet wonderment, smiling in spite of himself at seeing the two of them acting the way they used to together. Usually preferring to take his breakfast in his office he decided, on a whim to join the two of them to see if things really were back to normal - quite frankly, he thought to himself, I just don't believe my eyes.

"May I join you Colonel? Captain?"

"Of course Sir" replied Captain Carter, speaking in Jack's stead whilst he tried in vain to swallow a huge mouthful in order to respond. He indicated an empty chair with his fork instead and grinned around a mouthful of bacon, cocking his head jauntily to the side questioningly at the General before applying himself once more, with gusto to the plate in front of him.

"Not having your usual Colonel?" Hammond enquired, indicating towards Jack's heaped plate.

O'Neill swallowed once more and began loading his fork again as he spoke. "No Sir, I've been kinda off my food recently, I have some catching up to do".

"So does Carter, apparently", he added, taking a swig of coffee.

"You're both feeling OK then?" he probed further, intrigued and unwilling to let it drop, he was half afraid that it was too good to be true.

"Yes Sir, fine", Carter spoke up, her voice contained a measure of the old enthusiasm as continued.

"I fact Sir, I was just thinking about that last mission…you see the mineral deposits there really were quite interesting and I don't think we surveyed the site as fully as we could have…"

"UH", Jack exclaimed, holding up his hand in protest as he interrupted the Captain.

"I'm eating Carter…I mean…Please…at this time of the day?", his irreverence carried no edge to it and the Captain grinned once more. She had fed him the lines and he had paid her back with his very best goofy and sarcastic self.

Hammond looked from one officer to the other, each one concentrating innocently upon their food, and smiled to himself as he stirred his coffee.


End file.
